Children in Mediation | Can Children Attend Family Mediation?

One of the most common questions parents ask is whether children in mediation can participate directly. This guide explains how children in mediation are supported, when direct involvement is appropriate, and how your child's voice is heard throughout the process.

Can Children Attend Mediation?

Yes, children in mediation can participate through a process called Child-Inclusive Mediation (CIM). However, it's important to understand that children in mediation aren't present in the same room as their parents discussing arrangements. Instead, they meet separately with a specially trained mediator.

The Family Mediation Council supports including children in mediation when appropriate, recognising that children often have valuable insights about their own lives.

Most family mediation focuses on adults negotiating arrangements, with children's views gathered indirectly. But children in mediation through CIM can have a direct voice without being caught in the middle.

What is Child-Inclusive Mediation?

Child-Inclusive Mediation (CIM) is a specific approach where children in mediation meet with a trained mediator to:

• Express their feelings about the family situation
• Share what matters most to them
• Ask questions they might have about arrangements
• Feel heard and respected during a difficult time

How Children in Mediation Sessions Work

Children in mediation are never asked to make decisions or choose between parents. The focus is on understanding their experience, not placing responsibility on them.

How Children in Mediation Are Supported

The welfare of children in mediation is paramount. Here's how they're protected:

Specialist Training

Mediators working with children in mediation complete additional training in:

• Child development
• Age-appropriate communication
• Safeguarding
• Managing difficult disclosures

Voluntary Participation

Children in mediation must want to participate. If a child doesn't want to meet the mediator, that's respected. The process is:

• Explained to the child in advance
• Only proceeds with their agreement
• Can stop at any time

Age-Appropriate Approach

Sessions with children in mediation are tailored to their age and development:

• Younger children (7-10): May use drawings, toys, or structured activities
• Older children (10-14): More conversation-based, with some activities
• Teenagers (14+): Primarily discussion-based, more adult in approach

Confidentiality Boundaries

Children in mediation are told that what they share is confidential, with two exceptions:

1. Anything they want the mediator to share with parents
2. Any safeguarding concerns that require action

Age Guidelines for Children in Mediation

There's no fixed age limit for children in mediation, but general guidelines apply:

| Age Range | Participation | Notes | |-----------|---------------|-------| | Under 7 | Rare | Usually too young; views gathered indirectly | | 7-9 | Sometimes | With parental agreement and mediator assessment | | 10-12 | Common | Often appropriate age for children in mediation | | 13-15 | Recommended | Capable of articulating complex feelings | | 16+ | Encouraged | May attend adult sessions in some cases |

The decision about involving children in mediation depends on:

• The child's maturity and ability to express themselves
• Whether participation is in the child's best interests
• The nature of the dispute
• Both parents' agreement

Learn more about child custody mediation and how arrangements are made.

Benefits of Including Children in Mediation

Research supports children in mediation when done appropriately. Benefits include:

For Children:

• Feeling heard - Children in mediation often feel relieved to share their views
• Reduced anxiety - Understanding the process reduces fear of the unknown
• Sense of agency - Having a voice (without responsibility) helps children cope
• Better outcomes - Arrangements may fit their actual needs better

For Parents:

• Fresh perspective - Hearing their child's viewpoint can shift positions
• Child-focused decisions - Harder to lose sight of children's needs
• Reduced conflict - Understanding child's experience often reduces adult conflict
• Better communication - Models healthy conflict resolution for children

For Outcomes:

• More durable agreements - Arrangements that consider children's views last longer
• Improved compliance - Parents more likely to follow through
• Reduced court involvement - Better agreements mean fewer disputes later

When Children in Mediation Isn't Appropriate

Children in mediation isn't right for every situation:

When to Avoid Involving Children:

• High conflict - If parents can't contain conflict, children shouldn't be exposed
• Domestic abuse - Safety concerns make child participation inappropriate
• Very young children - Under-7s rarely benefit from direct involvement
• Parental alienation - Where one parent may pressure the child
• Child's refusal - If the child doesn't want to participate

Alternative Ways to Include Children's Views:

When direct children in mediation isn't suitable, their views can still be considered through:

• Cafcass reports (if in court proceedings)
• Child therapists or counsellors
• School counsellors
• Indirect feedback through parents

See when mediation is not suitable for situations where mediation may not be appropriate at all.

Preparing Your Child for Mediation

If you're including children in mediation, preparation is important:

What to Tell Them:

• The mediator is a neutral person who helps families
• They're not in trouble and haven't done anything wrong
• They won't have to choose between mum and dad
• They won't be asked to make decisions
• What they say will be treated respectfully
• They can say as much or as little as they want

What NOT to Say:

• Don't coach them on what to say
• Don't ask them to take messages to the other parent
• Don't discuss the mediation after their session to "find out what they said"
• Don't put them in the middle of adult disputes

Supporting Them Afterwards:

• Ask if they're okay (not what they said)
• Reassure them they did nothing wrong
• Don't change behaviour based on guessing what they said
• Give them space if they need it

Finding Child-Inclusive Mediation

Not all mediators offer Child-Inclusive Mediation. To find one who works with children in mediation:

1. Ask specifically - Enquire whether they're trained in CIM
2. Check qualifications - Look for additional child-focused training
3. Use directories - National Family Mediation has specialists
4. Ask about experience - How many children in mediation sessions have they conducted?

Our find a mediator directory can help locate child-inclusive specialists.

Can children attend mediation?

What age can children in mediation be?

Do children in mediation have to choose between parents?

Is child-inclusive mediation compulsory?

How are children in mediation protected?

Sources & Further Reading

• Family Mediation Council - Children in Sessions
• Cafcass - Children and Family Court Advisory
• National Family Mediation - Child Inclusive Mediation

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For help creating child-focused arrangements, see our parenting plan guide and co-parenting resources.

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Official Resources

For authoritative information on children in mediation:

Children's Welfare

• Children Act 1989 Section 1 - Welfare checklist
• Cafcass - Children's court service
• Cafcass - Child Arrangements - Guidance
• Cafcass Parenting Plan - Template

Mediation Standards

• FMC Child-Inclusive Mediation - FMC guidance
• FMC Code of Practice - Standards
• Judiciary Guide 2024 - Court guidance

Government Guidance

• GOV.UK - Parenting Plan - Official template
• GOV.UK - Child Arrangements - Guidance

Children's Support

• Childline - Children's helpline
• Young Minds - Mental health support
• Citizens Advice - Free guidance