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Mediation · the guide

Family mediation, explained

Family mediation is a process in which an independent, trained mediator helps you and the other parent work out arrangements for children and money after separation[1]. The mediator is impartial and does not decide for you[2]. In England and Wales it usually starts with a MIAM[3], and an agreement becomes legally binding only through a court-approved consent order[3].

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Last reviewed Sources checked

Prepare with MiamSee the sources
Typical MIAM cost, each[4]
Mediation, per person per hour (guide)[5]
Voucher towards sessions about children[6]
Voucher-scheme families reaching agreement[7]

01/ What it is

What family mediation is

The Family Mediation Council (FMC) describes family mediation as a process in which an independent, professionally trained mediator helps you work out arrangements for children and finances after you separate[1]. It can also help later, when arrangements you made earlier need to change as children grow up[1].

The mediator does not take sides[11]. GOV.UK says they listen to both of you and take a neutral approach, helping you make decisions based on your child's best interests[11]. The decisions are yours: the FMC's Code of Practice says mediation helps people reach their own agreed and informed decisions, and the mediator must not push a preferred outcome[2].

Mediation is not relationship counselling[11], and the mediator is not your lawyer. They can explain options and what they mean, but must make clear they are not giving advice[2]. For the wider meaning, including workplace and civil mediation, see what is mediation.

02/ How it works

How family mediation works

Open each step for more detail.

You can take legal advice at any point during mediation[14]. The FMC's Code requires the mediator to tell you it is in your interests to do so before you reach a final agreement[16].

  1. An authorised family mediator meets each of you separately[12], usually for 45–60 minutes[8], explains the options and assesses whether mediation is safe and suitable[13]. See what is a MIAM.

03/ What it covers

What it covers, and how long it takes

Mediation can cover any or all of the issues that come with separating[2]. How long it takes depends on how many issues there are, how complex they are and how far apart you are[19][20]. Pick what you need to sort out:

A mediator cannot calculate child maintenance with authority: only the Child Maintenance Service can[16]. See child maintenance.

Where the children live, when they spend time with each parent, other contact such as phone calls, and how their living costs are covered[11]. Children aged 10 and over should be offered the chance to be heard directly, if they wish[21].

National Family Mediation gives a rough guide of one to two sessions for arrangements for children[19]; Advicenow says most people need between 2 and 4[20]. The outcome is often a parenting plan[17].

04/ The MIAM first

Start with a MIAM

Before most court applications about children or finances, you must attend a MIAM, a mediation information and assessment meeting[23][24]. Your application must then show the mediator's confirmation or an exemption[25]. GOV.UK also says you need a MIAM before you start mediation about money and property[3].

The other parent is expected to attend a MIAM too, and you should give the mediator their contact details so they can be invited[26]. The FMC reports that about a third of potential mediation cases cannot go ahead because the second person does not attend[27]. If you attend and they do not, you can still apply to court[9].

Going to a MIAM is not the same as agreeing to mediate[28]. With your agreement, the mediator can also refer you to other help, such as counselling, debt advice or information about parenting co-operatively[29]. If domestic abuse or another listed situation applies, you may be exempt: see MIAM exemptions.

05/ Getting started

How to start family mediation

Contact a mediator on the FMC register. The FMC says it helps if you can tell your ex-partner and agree which mediator to use; if you do not want to, the mediator you contact can get in touch with them, if appropriate[30]. See find a mediator.

The FMC's 2025 report says mediators offer a privately paid MIAM within a week on average, and legal aid mediators within two weeks, though up to four weeks is not uncommon[31]. Ask for the cost when you first make contact, because it varies by provider and area[32]. Miam can help you prepare for mediation.

06/ Mediation and the family court

Family court and mediation

Mediation is a way of resolving a dispute other than through the court process[33]. The court must consider at every stage whether non-court dispute resolution is appropriate[34], and since April 2024 it can pause a case to encourage it, without your agreement[35]. You may have to file a form setting out your views on it before the first hearing[36].

The rules do not let the court make you attend mediation[34]. But the FMC warns that if you fail to try any form of it without special circumstances, a judge may be critical and can order you to pay the other person's legal costs, particularly in money cases[37][38]. See mediation vs court.

07/ Cost and funding

What family mediation costs

A MIAM typically costs £120–£150 per person, and each of you pays for your own[4]. Mediation sessions are a separate cost[11]: the FMC's guide is £130–£170 per person per hour, including drafting documents[5]. Charges vary by provider and area, so ask for a quote when you first make contact[32].

Legal aid for mediation is means-tested[39]. If either of you qualifies, the MIAM is free, and if only one of you does, legal aid also covers the first mediation session for both[40]. For disputes about children, the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme pays up to £500 towards sessions, whatever you earn[6][22]; it does not cover the MIAM[41].

See how much mediation costs for full figures, with legal aid mediation and the mediation voucher scheme.

08/ Outcomes

Does family mediation work?

The FMC reports a 69% success rate for families using the voucher scheme, meaning they reached agreement on some or all issues[7]. GOV.UK says mediation is usually cheaper and quicker than going to court[11].

For comparison, private law children cases in court took an average of 33 weeks from start to disposal in April to June 2026[42]. See mediation vs court for a fuller comparison.

09/ Choosing a mediator

The FMC register and accreditation

GOV.UK says to use an accredited mediator and to find one on the FMC website[11]. FMC Accredited Family Mediators (FMCA) have passed approved training and an assessment of their competence, and renew their accreditation every 3 years[43]. Only an FMCA mediator is an authorised family mediator who can conduct your MIAM and sign the court form[43][44].

The title "family mediator" is not protected, and anyone can use it[45]. The FMC register lists accredited mediators and trained mediators working towards accreditation[46], all of whom are insured and offer a complaints process[47], and you can filter it for mediators who sign court forms, offer legal aid or mediate online[48]. See find a mediator and what is a mediator.

10/ Confidentiality

What stays confidential

What you discuss and offer in mediation is "without prejudice": it cannot be referred to in court proceedings[49]. The exception is financial facts, which are shared on an open basis so they can be used later[49].

Confidentiality does not apply if a child or another person is suffering, or likely to suffer, significant harm[49].

11/ Safety

When mediation is not suitable

Mediation is voluntary, and either of you, or the mediator, can stop it at any time[2]. The mediator must assess safety at the MIAM and throughout, taking into account domestic abuse of every kind, and must not mediate if it is not safe or suitable[50].

If there has been domestic abuse, you may be exempt from the MIAM with evidence in a listed form[51]. See when mediation is not suitable and domestic abuse support. Sitting in separate rooms, shuttle mediation, does not necessarily make mediation safe[52].

12/ Becoming a mediator

Family mediation training

To become an accredited family mediator you first complete an FMC-approved foundation course[53], which must include at least 60 hours of contact time[54]. You then join an FMC member organisation, work with a Professional Practice Consultant and build a portfolio, and must gain accreditation within 3 years of training[55][56]. See how to become a family mediator.

13/ Children

Child mediation: agreeing arrangements for children

Arrangements for where children live and how much time they spend with each parent are called child arrangements, sometimes known as "child custody"[57]. Mediation about them, sometimes called child mediation or child custody mediation, can cover where your child lives, when they see each parent, phone and video contact, and how their costs are met[11].

The mediator must keep the children's welfare in view and encourage you both to think about their wishes and feelings[21]. Children aged 10 and over should be offered the chance to be heard directly if they wish, but only with their consent and by a mediator trained to do it[21]. GOV.UK calls this child-inclusive mediation[11]. See children in mediation.

Agreed arrangements can be written up as a parenting plan[17]; see the parenting plan template. If you want them to be legally binding, a court can make them into a consent order, and you do not usually have to attend court[58]. Without agreement, a court decides with the child's welfare as its paramount consideration[59]: see child arrangements orders.

14/ The FMC

The Family Mediation Council

The Family Mediation Council is a company limited by guarantee made up of national family mediation organisations: the College of Mediators, the Family Mediators Association, National Family Mediation and Resolution[60]. Its Family Mediation Standards Board sets and regulates standards[60].

The FMC runs the public register of mediators[46], sets the Code of Practice mediators follow[2] and awards accreditation (FMCA)[43]. Its 2025 report says it lists 1,025 mediators who subscribe to its standards[45]. The court rules give the FMC the job of identifying who can conduct a MIAM[61].

15/ Questions

Frequently asked questions

What is family mediation?

A process in which an independent, trained mediator helps you and your ex-partner work out arrangements for children and finances after separation[1]. The mediator is impartial and you make the decisions[2].

How much does family mediation cost?

The FMC's guide is £130–£170 per person per hour, and a MIAM is typically £120–£150 each[5][4]. Legal aid can make it free[40], and the voucher scheme pays up to £500 towards sessions about children[6].

How long does family mediation take?

The FMC says it usually takes three to five meetings[14]. National Family Mediation's rough guide is one to two sessions for children and four to seven for children, finance and property together[19].

What is child mediation?

Mediation about child arrangements: where a child lives, when they see each parent and other contact[11]. Children aged 10 and over should be offered the chance to be heard directly, if they wish[21].

Can the family court order us to mediate?

No. It can pause a case to encourage non-court dispute resolution[35], but cannot make you attend it[34]. In money cases, refusing without good reason can count against you on costs[38].

Is family mediation the same as marriage counselling?

No. GOV.UK says mediation is not relationship counselling[11]: it helps you make arrangements once you have decided to separate[1].

Is a mediation agreement legally binding?

Not on its own: to make it legally binding, a consent order is drafted and a court approves it[3][18].

What is the Family Mediation Council?

The body made up of the national family mediation organisations in England and Wales[60]. It runs the register of mediators and awards FMC accreditation (FMCA)[46][43].

16/ Sources

Sources we checked

  1. What is family mediation? — Family Mediation Council
  2. Code of Practice for Family Mediators (v1.5, August 2025), sections 1, 4, 6 and 9 — Family Mediation Council
  3. Get help agreeing (Money and property when you divorce or separate) — GOV.UK
  4. GOV.UK — mediation · FMC State of Family Mediation 2025 (PDF)
  5. FMC — What does mediation cost?
  6. GOV.UK — Family Mediation Voucher Scheme · GOV.UK news, May 2026
  7. Family Mediation Voucher Scheme analysis (March 2023) — Ministry of Justice, GOV.UK · The State of Family Mediation 2025 — Family Mediation Council
  8. FMC MIAM Standards (Aug 2022) PDF
  9. GOV.UK — mediation · FPR r3.9
  10. FPR Part 3, r3.8(1)(d)
  11. Make an agreement through mediation (Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate) — GOV.UK
  12. FMC MIAM Standards (Aug 2022) PDF
  13. Family Procedure Rules, Part 3 — Ministry of Justice
  14. Mediation sessions — Family Mediation Council
  15. Make an agreement through mediation — GOV.UK
  16. Code of Practice for Family Mediators (v1.5, August 2025), section 9 — Family Mediation Council
  17. Helping participants realise an enduring outcome to family mediation — Family Mediation Council
  18. Make an agreement through mediation: what happens next and legal aid — GOV.UK
  19. Family mediation FAQ — National Family Mediation
  20. Family mediation — Advicenow
  21. Code of Practice for Family Mediators (v1.5, August 2025), sections 5.3 and 6.6 — Family Mediation Council
  22. GOV.UK — voucher scheme guidance · Practice Direction 36V — justice.gov.uk
  23. legislation.gov.uk — CFA 2014 s10
  24. Family Procedure Rules, Part 3 — Ministry of Justice · Practice Direction 3A — Ministry of Justice
  25. FPR Part 3, r3.7
  26. Practice Direction 3A — Ministry of Justice
  27. The State of Family Mediation 2025 — Family Mediation Council
  28. What is a MIAM? — Family Mediation Council
  29. What is a MIAM? — Family Mediation Council
  30. I want to try mediation: what do I do? — Family Mediation Council
  31. The State of Family Mediation 2025 — Family Mediation Council
  32. What is a MIAM? — Family Mediation Council · What does mediation cost? — Family Mediation Council
  33. Family Procedure Rules, Part 2, rule 2.3 — justice.gov.uk
  34. Family Procedure Rules, Part 3 — Ministry of Justice · Practice Direction 3A — Ministry of Justice
  35. FPR Part 3, r3.4
  36. GOV.UK — Form FM5 · Practice Direction 3A — justice.gov.uk
  37. Guide to non-court dispute resolution options (v1.2) — Family Mediation Council
  38. justice.gov.uk FPR updates · SI 2023/1324
  39. Check if you can get legal aid — GOV.UK
  40. GOV.UK — mediation
  41. GOV.UK — mediation · FMC — Mediation vouchers
  42. Family Court Statistics Quarterly: April to June 2026 — Ministry of Justice, GOV.UK
  43. Manual of Professional Standards and Self-Regulatory Framework (v1.6, August 2025), Part 1 — Family Mediation Council
  44. Form FM1 (04.24), notes — HMCTS
  45. The State of Family Mediation 2025 — Family Mediation Council
  46. Becoming a mediator — Family Mediation Council · FMC Registration — Family Mediation Council
  47. Why choose an FMC registered mediator? — Family Mediation Council
  48. Find your local mediator — Family Mediation Council
  49. Code of Practice for Family Mediators (v1.5, August 2025), sections 5.2 and 6.5 — Family Mediation Council
  50. Standards for MIAMs (August 2022) — Family Mediation Council
  51. FPR r3.8 · PD3A
  52. Good Practice Guidance for MIAMs, July 2024 — Family Mediation Council
  53. Becoming a mediator — Family Mediation Council · Approved foundation training courses — Family Mediation Council
  54. Manual of Professional Standards and Self-Regulatory Framework (v1.6, August 2025) — Family Mediation Council
  55. Becoming a mediator — Family Mediation Council
  56. Manual of Professional Standards and Self-Regulatory Framework (v1.6, August 2025) — Family Mediation Council
  57. Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate — GOV.UK
  58. Apply for a court order (Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate) — GOV.UK
  59. Children Act 1989, section 1 — legislation.gov.uk
  60. About us — Family Mediation Council · FMC Registration — Family Mediation Council
  61. FPR Part 3, r3.1 · GOV.UK — child arrangements/mediation

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